When you don’t trust Him

I clearly remember what I was like when I didn’t trust God. I also clearly remember the series of events that led to my trust in Him now. What shifted my attitude from mistrust to trust during those events was when I looked up the meaning of the word “trust” and realized…nope, I didn’t have it. But today, I realize why I didn’t. For a long time I thought it was just the trials and tribulations that life brings – the ones everyone goes through. But now, thinking about what the root cause of all this was…I came back to Isaiah 40:31. “But those who trust”…”But those who wait”…”But those who hope”. In reading several different translations, I realized I didn’t know exactly what to hope for in the God I believed in, which is why I thought I had to forge my own way ahead. I didn’t have the slightest clue on how to go about trusting Him. So of course I was frustrated with what I decided I was supposed to be waiting on!

But those years ago…I struggled with trusting God even though I really did want to. I didn’t know how. The thought of trusting Him opened up so many questions. Why didn’t He make THAT person wait? Why didn’t they have to go through what I did? How do I trust a person I can’t even see? Why can’t He just show me how to trust Him? Why am I even trusting Him? What’s the point of all this trusting and waiting? Isn’t He supposed to tell me what I’m even waiting on?

I asked more questions than that! To the point where I started thinking…did I ever really have faith in God? And the answer is no…no I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I just had to get to know Him for myself.  

But God works wonders – even in the hardest of hearts. I’m content to be where I am until I know what else to hope in Him for. I don’t look to the left or the right, wondering about other people – I look to Him and His Word, His Spirit to show me what I’m waiting for. I can trust Him because it took what it did to get me to know Him. I can say now that I trust God. I can wait on him because I have hope that He is who He says He is and will do what He said He would.

Advertisements

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s