I clearly remember what I was like when I didn’t trust God. I also clearly remember the series of events that led to my trust in Him now. What shifted my attitude from mistrust to trust during those events was when I looked up the meaning of the word “trust” and realized…nope, I didn’t have it. But today, I realize why I didn’t. For a long time I thought it was just the trials and tribulations that life brings – the ones everyone goes through. But now, thinking about what the root cause of all this was…I came back to Isaiah 40:31. “But those who trust”…”But those who wait”…”But those who hope”. In reading several different translations, I realized I didn’t know exactly what to hope for in the God I believed in, which is why I thought I had to forge my own way ahead. I didn’t have the slightest clue on how to go about trusting Him. So of course I was frustrated with what I decided I was supposed to be waiting on!
But those years ago…I struggled with trusting God even though I really did want to. I didn’t know how. The thought of trusting Him opened up so many questions. Why didn’t He make THAT person wait? Why didn’t they have to go through what I did? How do I trust a person I can’t even see? Why can’t He just show me how to trust Him? Why am I even trusting Him? What’s the point of all this trusting and waiting? Isn’t He supposed to tell me what I’m even waiting on?
I asked more questions than that! To the point where I started thinking…did I ever really have faith in God? And the answer is no…no I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I just had to get to know Him for myself.
But God works wonders – even in the hardest of hearts. I’m content to be where I am until I know what else to hope in Him for. I don’t look to the left or the right, wondering about other people – I look to Him and His Word, His Spirit to show me what I’m waiting for. I can trust Him because it took what it did to get me to know Him. I can say now that I trust God. I can wait on him because I have hope that He is who He says He is and will do what He said He would.